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The most recent government report on high school students involved in abusive relationships found that nearly one in 10 has been physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend. Programs to teach teenagers about relationships are proliferating, but questions about their effectiveness and reach remain. what advice have you received about relationships? what advice do you wish you had received? what would you encourage a younger friend to keep in mind before dating?

In the article “A Warning to Teenagers Before They start Dating,” Jan Hoffman writes:

Esta Soler, president of Futures Without Violence, a national anti-violence organization, said there were many reasons to start talking to younger students about abuse.

In middle school, Ms. Soler said, they are rocketing through emotional and social development, beginning to make their own choices. “But they still respond to input from caring adults,” she added. A 2010 study of 1,430 seventh graders in eight middle schools in three cities underscores the need for such education.

The study, commissioned by the Johnson Foundation and released this spring, showed that three-quarters of students had already had a boyfriend or girlfriend. one in three said they had been victims of psychological dating violence; nearly one in six said they had experienced physical dating violence. Almost half said they had been touched in an unwanted sexual way or had been the target of sexual slurs.

It can be daunting to engage adolescents about intimate topics. to ease their awkwardness, Ms. Miller incorporates the students’ creative work and pop icons. For example, her staff created surveys rating the relationships of the characters in “The Hunger Games” books and movie. They sponsor poetry slams, with teenagers reading “Love What’s Real” poems, dancing to a “Relationship Remix” of hits.

Middle-school intervention programs are so new that assessing their effectiveness is difficult. the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention gave grants to middle-school programs in four urban sites last fall. in reauthorization drafts this spring for the Violence Against Women Act — Michael D. Crapo, Republican of Idaho, was a co-author in the Senate — the eligibility age for dating violence education and service programs is now as young as 11.

Students: if you have been dating for a while, what tips or words of wisdom would you give those who are new to it? if you haven’t, what kind of advice would you like someone older to give you? Have you ever heard of someone your age in a detrimental relationship? how would you help a friend in such a situation? what kind of behavior in a relationship would you consider inappropriate, and what might you do if you were the victim of it?

Q. I met a woman online a couple of months ago, and we met up for coffee. Sparks flew, lightning struck, and the angels wept — from my side anyway. since then we have been not dating. I say “not dating” because she has set up some boundaries that she says have to do with a previous relationship, an on-and-off sort of deal with a guy who was emotionally abusive and an alcoholic. She says she is not yet ready to date. That said, we see each other almost every weekend for a benign brunch or walk in the park. We e-mail and text each other almost every day. To me this feels a lot like dating except without the physical part. I’m in no rush to get to that part, but I am in a rush to get to know her. That said, most of our non-dates end with some smooching. The last time we met, the kissing was a bit more intense than before. Yes, I feel like a 9-year-old even putting it this way, but there’s a reason why I bring it up. I’m not 9, by the way. We’re both in our 40s, both divorced and with children.

Last weekend we had a picnic that I carefully organized, complete with flowers and caviar. At the end of the afternoon we talked about where we are in our non-relationship, what we’re doing, and what we should expect from each other. She may have even warmed up to the idea of going out at night (dare to dream).

My problem is this: It feels like I’m getting a lot of ambivalence from her. The “I’m interested” signals are there, with some texts and e-mails telling me how excited she is to see me. But the “stay away” signals seem equally strong, with all of the boundaries, and occasional gaps in the communication.

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I am so intensely drawn to this woman that I can’t sleep at night. It’s not that I want to move in with her or anything. I just want to have a chance to play this out and see what could develop between us. But it’s not clear to me whether her ambivalence is solely because of bad history or because of reservations about me. A big part of me feels that if she were really interested, we would be having much different dates, and we’d be having some of them in the bathtub rather than squeezing in a couple of hours every week to have coffee and a Danish. That part tells me that I just can’t come to terms with the fact that she’s not interested, and that the wise thing would be to move on. There are other women out there after all.

Based on those tiny shreds of information, what do you think?

Basking in the Glowof her Ambivalence,Massachusetts

A. You have to tell her that you’re at a breaking point. She has to take some steps forward — like in the next week or two — or it’s over. You’ve gone out of her way not to rush her. You’ve been respectful of her schedule. I understand that you’ve already had a talk about where she is with all of this, but what about where you are?

My advice is to be specific about what you want. if you want a dinner date, tell her you need one soon. if you want to be making out horizontally, please ask. You’re human. You’re in your 40s. You want to move this to the next level. It’s understandable. You’re allowed to say, “I feel like you’re ambivalent about me. if you’re not, I really need more.”

I have to admit that when I first read this letter I thought, “She’s enjoying the attention but not that interested.” then I remembered that I was once in a similar situation. I was like your woman, trying to delay the inevitable so that I could remain safe. When I was finally confronted with a “make out or else” conversation (he said it much more sensitively than that) and I realized that my self-protecting behavior had turned into selfishness, I cut it out. I pounced — rather literally. I didn’t want to lose him, and the pouncing was not as scary as I thought it would be.

I can’t promise you that she’ll pounce. But she might plan or accept a dinner date. and dinner dates lead to bathtubs.

If she continues to move at this pace and remains all talk and no action, you must bail. soon. Because you’re right — there are other women out there, and you sound fantastic. Your needs are just as important as hers. start asking some very specific questions.

READERS RESPOND:

Sounds like her playing hard to get has gotten the best of you. Take a week off from contact with her. if she gets back to you, then continue. if not, she’s just using you for her confidence.MIKEOXBIGG

There’s an old wives’ tale that says playing hard to get makes a guy want you more. I guess the old wives are right. CHICKENLITTLE

Dude, you have a lot of patience. The conversation Meredith is suggesting should have taken place after a few weeks. Fish or cut bait. You’re in your 40s, and Boston is crawling with available, hot women who want to get horizontal now.OLDERNOWISER

Talk to her. tell her what you need from her. Accept no less. JUST-ANOTHER-BOSTONIAN

It’s only been a couple of months. She warned the letter writer that she wasn’t ready to date and told him why. The dates are progressively (if slowly) getting more romantic, and she seems to be warming up to the idea of actually going out on a date at night. It’s too soon to tell if she’s not really interested or if she just moves very slowly. I don’t think the letter writer should confront her and pressure her to give him more. he needs to respect the pace she feels comfortable with. CARA121

This is simple — you are not listening to her. She is telling you exactly what is in her head — she is excited to see you and is interested but wants boundaries. She is at a healing point and is going hot and cold, as she tries to figure out her next steps. You are trying to take this away from her and are looking for something she simply can’t give you right now. SUPERCHICK

Picnics with caviar?? I’m giving my number to Meredith to pass along. GOLDIE31

try BostonGlobe.com today and get two weeks FREE.Edited and reprinted from www.boston.com/loveletters. Meredith Goldstein can be reached at mgoldstein@globe.com. She chats online Wednesday at 1 p.m.

It looks like Kim Kardashian is not the only one to somehow pick up the pieces from her 72-day marriage and move on.

Despite a denial from Kris Humphries himself – after photos leaked of him and a woman on a beach in Miami and he claimed she was someone he only met that day – TMZ confirms the power forward DOES have a new girlfriend. her name is Myla Sinanaj.

Sinanaj and Humphries have reportedly been dating since January, with the latter providing courtside seats for his new woman and her family to watch him play basketball.

Sources say she the pair met at the fancy new York City hotel where Sinanaj works. we can only assume this hotel does not ever get Internet access.

Or newspaper delivery. or cable. or any medium that would identity Humphries as the immature bonehead he has proven himself to be.

No comment so far from anyone in either side of the couple’s camp.

Earlier this week, Tracy Clark-Flory published an article on Salon about allegations of assault in the BDSM community, specifically on FetLife, a Facebook-like social network for men and women in the kink scene.

The Salon article explains that FetLife administrators have begun removing message board posts that name names, and that a group of members upset by this have started a petition to remove from the Terms of Service a clause requiring users to pledge not to “make criminal accusations against another member in a public forum.”

The mission statement of this group (“Let us name abusers”) reads thusly:

While these conditions may be invoked to stop harassment and to shield Fetlife from liability, they also prevent members of our community from publicly naming and speaking out against abusers, rapists, and other predators. given Fetlife’s prominence and the role it plays in supporting and expanding kink community – particularly its role as a point of entry into the community for young, inexperienced, or otherwise vulnerable people – we feel that Fetlife’s current policy is irresponsible and tantamount to enabling abuse. PLEASE CHANGE IT.

Protecting members from allegations of abuse is one thing—on conventional dating sites like OkCupid and Match.com, where profile pictures are more often portraits or headshots, a person’s identity can be obscured only so much.

But FetLife isn’t technically a dating site; it’s a social network. Most use nicknames and monikers that reflect their individual sexual predilections; photos are posed and sexy, and many choose not to show their face. That members who liase on FetLife end up meeting to have sex with one another more often than anonymous friends on Facebook is to be expected of an online community targeted at individuals who share a mutual interest in a very specific type of sex.

As one anonymous commenter on the message board explained, what they want is freedom of expression without special caveats:

All anyone is saying is that we should be able to say “last night, usernamegoeshere hit me nonconsensually,” exactly the same as you can do in real life or on livejournal or facebook or whatever, without having it automatically deleted. It’s not fetlife’s job to determine the veracity. the other person can explain or defend themselves exactly as they would in real life or elsewhere on the internet.

As she/he explains it, this would be a self-governed system, not so much a rule or responsibility, but the freedom to say something if you so choose. Really, it’s just freedom of speech—in this case, speech cautioning others against a potential threat. Why should protecting the reputations of certain anonymous individuals supersede the very real importance of preventing sexual violence? If the allegations are false, so be it. But how can we abide the illogic that prevents a victim from warning others in a community of someone he/she knows is dangerous?

Should online dating sites prevent users from naming abusers? is enforcing silence very different from allowing continued violence? (Uggggk I wish that didn’t rhyme.) Discuss… [Salon - Image via Peter Bernik/Shutterstock]

Good Rainy Friday to you all,

Before I start this post, I should say that this one isn’t teribbly HIV related, but more of a general life diary entry… now let’s begin.

I’ve been on online ‘dating’ sites for a very long time now, probably longer than I should have really, I joined a certain one when I was 13 and caused all sorts of havoc for the owners/admins – and since then the number of websites I’ve used has grown and grown until I couldn’t keep track of them.

I’d get home of an evening and check my twitter and Facebook, then I’d head onto gaydar, dudesnude, fitlads, manhunt, gayromeo, recon, and a few others which I can’t even remember. I’ve been doing this for nearly 3 years now and where has it got me? Nowhere really. I’ve dated three guys, one of which was an ass and two of which were bat crap crazy.

So last week I took the decision to leave all these sites behind, it was both therapeutic and a little scary logging onto each site one by one and deleting my profiles – some I’ve even been paying for. Shortly after I’d done away with my last profile I began to worry about what I’d just done, had I put myself at a disadvantage for finding someone special? but then I recalled the general quality of messages of I got on these sites – usually photos of people’s crotches but no faces, or elderly gentlemen offering to be “generous” to me. That’s not really the kind of attention I’m after.

During Birmingham Pride (at the weekend) I met an awesome guy, and we hit it off pretty spectacularly. this without the use of the internet, or being asked “what you upto?”, or ”what you into?” or even the less common but still awful “ASL?”. now before you get ahead of yourself, I don’t know if anything is going to happen with this guy I met over Pride, but I’m secretly hoping it does – he’s very hot and very very lovely.

I feel for honestly and completeness I should say that I’ve retained my Grindr profile, purely because it’s a great way to chat to my mates for free, and it’s a laugh at train stations when you’re bored.

I’m not entirely sure what to use my computer for now I don’t log on to all those sites, I’m sure I’ll find a purpose though – it makes a rather handy mirror with the webcam…

Good Rainy Friday to you all, before I start this post, I should say that this one isn’t teribbly HIV related, but more of a general life diary entry… now…

EHarmony didn’t say how many of its users may have been affected. The website said it had reset the passwords.

As with LinkedIn, eHarmony’s exposed data is cryptographic representations of passwords called hashes, which are generated by an algorithm. But the hashes can be converted into the original password using free decoding software. The shorter the password, the higher the chance it can quickly be cracked.

EHarmony’s 1.5 million password hashes were released in a forum of a Russian password-cracking website called InsidePro, reported Ars Technica.

Hackers on InsirePro asked for help cracking the password hashes, Ars reported. But by late Wednesday, those threads on the forum appeared to have been deleted and were not available in Google’s cache.

LinkedIn confirmed on Wednesday that some of its passwords were compromised. Security researchers put the figure at 6.5 million, although some of the password hashes were duplicates, bringing the number down to around 5.8 million.

LinkedIn, which has not said how the breach occurred, is notifying people affected and resetting their passwords.

Now read: what to do now LinkedIn passwords have leaked…

Re-posted with permission from Te-Shandra Haskett, MBA

check out the blog, here.

Personally, I have never been asked the following questions, but it has come to my attention that many people desire to know the inside truth about Interracial Relationships. Here it is folks! the answers you have been waiting for!  (Make sure you read the ENTIRE blog for the common theme).

10. QUESTION: “Wow! you must really like purple!!! Soooo cooool…have you always dated purples?”

ANSWER: Uh, no. Wait…Hold on? He’s purple?? it never crossed my mind. I mean seriously….he’s purple????

BOTTOM LINE: Just because a person dates or marries outside of their race DOES NOT mean they are only attracted to that particular race. Sometimes you just happen to meet someone you connect with who happens to be….well purple. Do not be fooled. there are PLENTY of people who are racist within an interracial relationship. never assume that a person loves every purple person, just because they have a purple partner.

***( IS THERE REALLY PURPLE IN THIS BLOG??).

9. QUESTION: “it must be strange hanging out in public with a purple?”

ANSWER: really?? I never noticed he was purple…until you mentioned it. Is that strange????

****(I MUST BE MISSING SOMETHING….APPARENTLY…PURPLE???)

8. QUESTION:  “Aren’t people really mean to you guys?” PURPLE??

ANSWER:  People can be cruel….but not to me. maybe when I was in school. I demand respect now….I do not care if people like me, as long as they respect me. if you do not like purple…than go hang out with a blue.

****(STOP LYING FOLKS….THERE IS NO PURPLE IN THIS!!!! RIGHT??)

7. QUESTION: ” how do your neighbors treat you?”

ANSWER:  my neighbors are annoying…always too friendly….I usually have to run because I do not enjoy socializing.

****(I DID NOT REALIZE MY NEIGHBORS WERE THINKING ABOUT PURPLE….TOTALLY CONFUSED NOW….WHO OR WHAT IS PURPLE??)

6. QUESTION: “Your children are going to have such a hard time. Aren’t they?”

ANSWER: did you have a hard time in school? Kids in general can be cruel. there are plenty of children that come from non purple and red families that are bullied much worse. most of the time bullying has nothing to do with purple/red….it is all the luck of the draw.

****(I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT….CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE THEY SEE PURPLE ON MY BLOG??)

5. QUESTION: “like, if a purple and a red have children, which box would they have to check? Isn’t that confusing?????

ANSWER: Ummm…..wait a minute let me think…..RED!!!!!!!!! ONE DROP RULE…..Look it up. it does not have to make sense….just accept it.

****( OHHHH….I GET IT! PURPLE IS a NEW TELEVISION STATION!!! OR THAT HIT MOVIE…THE COLOR PURPLE????)

4. QUESTION: What is it like being in a relationship with a purple?

ANSWER: What???? I am in a relationship with someone purple?

****(I MUST BE COLORBLIND????)

3. QUESTION: “where did you meet ……??? Purple?”

ANSWER:  Purple has a name….and I do not believe his name is Purple…..Respect it….

****(OK FOLKS…I AM MUST OFFICIALLY BE GOING BLIND!!! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE IS THE PURPLE!!!!!!!!!?????)

2. QUESTION:  “how did your families react to this Purple Red thing?”

Interesting Stats….ANSWER: my side of the family did not really care but I never cared if they did. the purple side….well….let’s just put it this way….I still never cared. I chose who I wanted in this world. it was their job to respect my decisions. if not….OH WELL….YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIKE ME, BUT I DEMAND RESPECT…..NOT AN OPTION….SINCE I GIVE RESPECT I SHOULD GET IT BACK. PERIOD. (If you allow your family to control your decisions, the control will not stop there. there is no reason for people to believe that everyone should like each other within a family….it is impossible. Just respect one another. if they love you, they will get over it, if not…well, honestly….with family like that, there will always be threats/control for your ENTIRE life).

****( OKAY! SOMEONE HAS GOT TO TELL ME WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT!!! I MUST BE MISSING SOMETHING…MAYBE MY COMPUTER SCREEN IS PLAYING TRICKS ON ME BECAUSE I DO NOT SEE ANY PURPLE IN THIS BLOG!!!!!! ALL I SEE IS WRITING…..BUT PURPLE?????)

1. QUESTION: What is it like being in a relationship with a purple? Do racial slurs happen?? OMG!!!

ANSWER:  definitely!!!! we crack jokes all the time about purple, red and blue….Why???

BECAUSE I FORGOT HE WAS PURPLE, AND FOR SOME REASON HE CAN NEVER REMEMBER THAT I AM RED…..

“Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. the LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).”

Bloggers Note: did you notice the common PURPLE THEME? IF THE ONLY THING THAT STOOD OUT TO YOU WAS THE PURPLE IN THIS BLOG…THEN MAYBE YOU NEED TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU VIEW THE WORLD. AT THE END OF THE DAY, PURPLE WILL ALWAYS APPEAR PURPLE. AND IF I CHANGED THESE WORDS FROM PURPLE TO RED, I GUARANTEE YOU, IT WILL STILL MEAN THE SAME THING. IT WILL JUST BE ANOTHER COLOR…..RIGHT?

Written by: Te-Shandra Haskett, MBA

Please forward to people who do not like the color red or purple.…I will be forwarding this to myself because my favorite color is actually PINK…..

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London, Sat, 02 Jun 2012 ANI

London, June 2 (ANI): Britain’s newest dating website looks like the latest craze amongst people these days, as the site uses advanced technology to find only the very best matches to make sure you find like-minded people that share your interests.

Everybody on MakeaMatch has complete control over their personal information, making online dating more fun.

MakeaMatch looks like the ideal solution to the problem of people who are looking for either a friend or a new partner but are short on time.

All profiles are vetted so one can be sure the people they meet are genuine – and there’s a friendly customer support team to help and answer individual queries as well.

According to Emma Pullen, Relationships Manager of MakeaMatch.co.uk, the main reason to choose the website is trust, the Daily Star reported.

“When people join an online dating service they want to enjoy meeting people and have a great time both on and off the site,” she said.

“We’re absolutely committed to making sure that happens by providing a safe and secure place to date,” said Pullen.

“Everybody on MakeaMatch has complete control over their personal information. Only you can choose to share your full name, email address or contact information with others. Simply put, you’re in the driving seat and choose how fast or slow you want to go,” she said.

MakeaMatch also has an ingenious two-way matching system, which scores individual’s compatibility with other users.

The site offers a filter system where the highest-ranking matches always appear first, so it really is the quickest way to find the ideal match. (ANI)

Mary-Kate Olsen has found amour again with former French president Nicolas Sarkozy’s younger brother, Olivier Sarkozy, a source tells Us Weekly.

“It’s true, they’re dating, and she’s definitely interested in him,” the Olsen insider tells Us about her new romance with the 42-year-old Frenchman. though Olsen and Sarkozy are seventeen years apart (Olsen is 25), the source says their age differences suits her just fine.

PHOTOS: Celeb couples with huge age differences

“MK is constantly complaining about boys not being mature enough for her,” the source explains. “She got the kids out of her system. Now being a businesswoman dominates her time, and she is rarely impressed with guys.”

A second source confirms Olsen and Sarkozy are dating and tells Us, “They are good for each other.

Page Six broke the news of the fashion designer’s newest fling Wednesday morning; a source tells the paper the pair have been seeing one another just over a month and that they’re “head over heels.”

PHOTOS: Famous female entrepreneurs like MK & Ashley

The once-divorced Sarkozy split from his last serious girlfriend, actress Stella Schnabel, in March. On April 25, Sarkozy and Olsen attended a Knicks game together and hit the Hamptons over Memorial Day weekend.

Olsen’s most recent longterm relationship was with artist Nate Lowman, from whom she split in 2010.

Rhianna performs; J.R. Smith when he played for the Denver Nuggets

NEW YORK — Reports in New York Wednesday say pop music star Rhianna has “found Love” with former Denver Nuggets player J.R. Smith.

Smith now plays for the New York Knicks.

The New York Daily News reports the two have been quietly keeping time together for weeks now.

A source tells the Daily News the pair were “definitely hanging out” in Miami during the weekend after Smith had a run-in with the law there Thursday.

He was picked up in South Beach on a bench warrant for driving without a license. he bonded out of jail Friday.