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In the book, “Dating a Widower” (Ben Lomond Press, $8.99) Abel Keogh discusses this topic as an expert. After all, he was widowed nearly 10 years ago and has since remarried.

Dating is tricky enough as it is, but dating a widower has even more possible pitfalls. Women may wonder if the issues that may arise are grief-driven or simply problems that the widower is struggling with. Keogh says that often it’s hard to tell.

To make the experience as smooth as possible, he suggests:

For more information, see www.abelkeogh.com.

Margot Hovley’s first novel will be published by Covenant Communications in 2012. find her self-reliance blog at www.mynewoldschool.com or read about her writing adventures at www.margothovley.com.

HARLINGEN — Cameron County Justice of the Peace 5-1 candidate Rachel Menchaca said Tuesday that she was not arrested on Monday for traffic warrants and said the incident that did occur was politically motivated.

Menchaca said she was approached by Harlingen police officers who asked her if there were outstanding warrants against her from Harlingen Municipal Court for past traffic offenses, failure to appear in court and contempt of court.

Harlingen Police spokesman Dave Osborne on Tuesday gave a nearly identical account of the incident outside the Cameron County annex building.

He said officers were called Monday to the annex building on Wilson Road for a complaint about improperly parked cars during early voting.

He said “some guy” waved the officers to the candidates and campaign workers, pointed to Menchaca and said she had outstanding warrants.

Osborne said Menchaca was treated no differently than anyone else who was cooperative, agreed to go to court to settle unpaid fines, and allowed officers to escort her.

Osborne said there was no need for Menchaca to see the judge because she paid her fines.

Menchaca said an officer called the police station on a radio and were told there were no warrants for her listed on the police computer system. but she was advised to verify that she did not have any matters pending with the court.

“The officer was very polite and professional,” she said. “he said, ‘Sweetie, just go in (to the court) and check it out, just to be on the safe side,’” Menchaca said. “I went in on my own,” she said.

She said she went to the window in the lobby of the Municipal Court and paid a little more $3,000 in cash to clear up the old offenses, some dating back to 1997. no campaign funds or donations were used to pay the fines, she added.

“I was not arrested, I was not escorted to my car, I was not put in a police car or handcuffed or put in jail,” she said.

Seven offenses listed in the names Rachel Menchaca and Raquel Menchaca were all hers, she said. Her name is spelled two ways in court records, which is related to her divorce eight years ago, she said.

Court records show two charges each in 2011 under the name Rachel Menchaca for “compulsory attendance” and “contempt of court, direct contempt.”

More recent charges dated 2012 against Raquel Menchaca were related to a traffic stop about two months ago, when she bought a new vehicle, she said.

She was cited for not having insurance and proper registration, Menchaca said.

Those charges are listed in Municipal Court records as: “expired registration, failure to maintain financial responsibility” and “failure to appear/bail jumping.”

She said those charges were the result of the car’s title not yet being transferred to her at the time, she said.

When she was ticketed two months ago for driving the uninsured car, “I asked the (municipal court clerk) to check to see if there was anything else,” Menchaca said.

She and her attorney had checked on any outstanding traffic cases when she first considered running for office, Menchaca said, and found none. She declined to name her attorney.

It is a mystery to her how seven old court cases appeared after she had checked twice to make sure her record was clear, Menchaca said. She suspects “dirty politics,” she said.

“we all know where this is coming from,” she said. “one of my opponents … is trying to ruin my campaign.”

The incident will hurt her, Menchaca said, but it won’t be believed by friends and acquaintances.

“I’m not hiding from anybody,” she said outside the county annex building on Wilson Road with her campaigners. “I’m trying to run a basic, simple, clean campaign,” she said.

Incumbent JP 5-1 Sallie Gonzalez denied having any involvement with Menchaca’s problems in Harlingen Municipal Court.

“I don’t have any dealings with Municipal Court,” Gonzalez said.

Menchaca’s other opponent, Harlingen attorney Ernesto “El Gallito” Gonzales, also denied even knowing about Menchaca’s problems with Municipal Court.

The Valley Morning Star has requested more detailed information about Menchaca’s outstanding warrants from the Municipal Court.

A court clerk said she would submit the request to Judge Robert Guerra, who had not responded to by press time.

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I was perusing my daughter’s latest copy of Glamour and found a disturbing dating survey that the magazine conducted of 8,000 singles nationwide in conjunction with match.com. Boston received the notorious distinction of ranking number one for men who expect to have sex on the first date. one out of eight men surveyed in Boston expected his date to hop into bed after a single dinner and a movie — the highest ratio of any city.

“Boston suffers the distinction of being the city where women are unhappiest with their love lives,” Glamour reported in its April issue. “Why is Boston so rough? Packed with super-educated, career-minded women (hello, Harvard?), it’s also where the highest percentage of men expect sex on the first date.”

This is not a good mix, Rutgers anthropologist Helen Fisher, chief scientific advisor to match.com, told Glamour. “You have a lot of stress among the women about that first date and the disappointment after.”

Fisher even recommended that women choose Washington, DC, over Boston if they have compelling job offers in both cities since nearly 87 percent of women in the Capitol report happy dating lives, with Philadelphia running a close second. Boston, on the other hand, took top ranking for women being unhappiest in their dating lives — with more than 26 percent complaining about the dating scene.

New York City doesn’t look like it’s any great shakes either: 14 percent of men there report spending five minutes or less getting ready for a date.

What I’m wondering, though, is what singles think of a new brand of condoms being promoted by planned Parenthood of the Northwest. it comes packaged with a QR code that lets you announce through your mobile device where you were and with whom when you tore off that condom wrapper to be posted for all to see on wheredidyouwearit.com.

(Note to Boston men: I doubt this lack of discretion will cause you to improve your Glamour rankings.)

Planned Parenthood of the Northwest recently distributed 55,000 of these condoms across college campuses to promote safe sex. “We’re not encouraging you to have sex or not have sex,” reads a statement on the group’s website. “We’re just encouraging people to be safer in their activities. this site is intended to provide a visual representation that safe sex happens too.”

Deborah Kotz can be reached at dkotz@globe.com. Follow her on Twitter @debkotz2.

LOS ANGELES –  on the heels of his now defunct six-year marriage to Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher is relishing his “single and looking” status all the way to the bank.

On Wednesday, the “Two-and-a-Half Men” star released a comedic video for the fictional World Wide Lovers Dating Service (powered by popchips, of which Kutcher is the president of pop culture) playing the role of multiple different bachelors looking for love.

Bollywood producer Raj, 39, is after the “most delicious thing on the planet” – he’d even “throw that dog (Kardashian) a bone.” Then there is 24-year-old pot-loving hippie Nigel, a Karl Lagerfeld looking fashion diva named Darl who shares food with his little pet pooch, a spiritual biker dude named Swordfish who is seeking “something spicy,” and finally a “normal” preppy-dressed Kutcher enters the room.

“Your waiting room is like a freak show. are we all in the same category?” he asks, ahead the tag line: “Life is Short. find your Perfect Match.”

But is Kutcher’s oh-so-humorous quest to find a lady lover a slap in the face to ex Demi, who suffered a scary breakdown and checked into rehab in the aftermath of their ruptured relationship?

“This is just a fun video he put together since his love life is clearly a hot topic these days,” a Kutcher insider said of the tongue-in-cheek creation.

No word on how “fun” Moore think it is.

Since parting ways with Moore last November, Kutcher has also been linked to Rihanna and most recently his former “That 70’s Show” co-star Mila Kunis.

Erika Anderson sat across from Jeffrey Neu at an Indian restaurant in Manhattan’s Flatiron district on a chilly March evening, toying nervously with the scarf around her neck, a sparkly white one on loan from a roommate.

They had exchanged emails for a month. she knew his birthday and where he had gone to law school. they had talked about their careers and their lives in the tri-state area. she, then 25, had even re-read their online exchanges, a miniature study session to brush up on the particulars of Jeff, then 32.

Over dinner, they discussed their food — her first time tasting lamb — and noticed they both had jeans on.

But this night, their first date, was also their first time seeing each others’ faces, deciphering their expressions.

“I looked across (at Jeff) and was like, who is he? Who is this person?” she said later of the evening. “I did know a lot of random facts about him, but I didn’t really know him.” Their fledgling online relationship, though extensive, had not erased her first-date butterflies.

Eight months later, Erika and Jeff were married.

Online dating is a modern paradox. Once widely considered a tactic only for the socially inept or the hopelessly creepy, exploring romantic possibilities online has slowly but surely made its way into mainstream American culture.

But while dating online definitely has its advantages, a new sociological study reveals that many dating sites’ claims — that their services will improve the likelihood of long-term relationship success — are insupportable. in fact, entering the world of online dating presents some very specific challenges that make romantic progress in the 21st century as difficult as ever. and some of the best advantages of online dating are exactly what make it perilous.

A history of online dating

In 1995, when the internet was still in its infancy, social dating consultant Trish McDermott joined a team launching a brand new company: match.com, a service to help single people meet and communicate for romance through the internet.

The idea did not take off right away. “There was a sense that anybody who had to use technology to find love was in some way a loser,” said McDermott. Who would email a potential love interest instead of simply approaching them at a bar or a social event? the answer could only be the geeky, the unsightly or the awkward.

More than 100 London investment bankers will share €50m (£40m) in backdated bonuses after the high court ordered Commerzbank to honour a four-year-old “binding” contract.

Despite sustaining heavy losses in the credit crunch, Commerzbank, which acquired the City of London investment bank Dresdner Kleinwort ltd (DKL) when it took control of Dresdner Bank in 2009, will now have to pay DKL employees sums amounting in some cases to more than €2m each.

The judgment, dating back to a 2008 dispute, comes as shareholder sentiment is turning against excessive wage deals for City executives and is likely to reinforce the popular perception that banks are run for the benefit of senior staff.

In January, Andrew Hochhauser QC, for the employees, told the court that bonuses should have been paid for the 12 months ending 31 December 2008 – the year of the banking crisis, when Dresdner lost more than €6bn – from a guaranteed minimum bonus pool of €400m because of “binding and enforceable contractual promises” made between August and December 2008.

They were to be allocated to front- and middle-office employees in the usual way, taking into account individual performance.

The bonus pool was created in order to retain staff in the face of a threatened mass exodus. The court heard that employees were reassured by Stefan Jentzsch, then chief executive of Dresdner Kleinwort Investment Bank, that the money would remain “no matter what”, irrespective of financial performance.

Announcing that the unpaid bonuses should be honoured, the judge, mr Justice Owen, said: “The claimants are entitled to payment of bonuses provisionally awarded to them.”

He added: “While these claims arose in 2008 against the background of the major crisis in the international banking industry and while the subject of bonuses paid to those employed in the banking sector remains a subject of intense public interest, the issues to which these claims gave rise arose within a narrow ambit and concern the nature and existence of contractual obligations owed to the claimants by their employer. they did not concern wider issues as to the structure of remuneration within the banking industry.”

A Commerzbank spokesman said later: “We are disappointed with the court’s decision and will seek leave to appeal. The bank believes that the decision to reduce discretionary bonuses in light of €6.5bn of losses at Dresdner Kleinwort for 2008 was responsible and justified.

“The main argument revolves around whether the announcement on 18 August amounted to a legally binding agreement. it is the bank’s submission that there is every prospect that the court of appeal would come to a different view on this matter.”

Mark Levine and Daniel Naftalin, partners at Mishcon de Reya, who represented 21 of the bankers, commented: “We welcome the high court’s decision today confirming the bank’s contractual obligation to pay retention awards promised to our clients in exceptional circumstances in 2008.

“Dresdner made repeated promises to employees prior to its sale to Commerzbank in an attempt to avoid a mass exodus of staff – namely that they would be financially rewarded from a guaranteed retention pool for remaining at the bank and performing well.

“We welcome the high court ruling that these promises constituted a binding contract and, with the staff having performed their side of the contract, that the bank breached it by refusing to honour the payments it had promised.

“This case is likely to have significance whenever employment contracts are varied, particularly on the basis of verbal commitments or actions.”

Paul Quain, a partner at GQ Employment Law who worked on the dispute, warned that the decision could encourage more financial claims. “This ruling will force banks to be extremely cautious when communicating with staff about their pay and bonuses, even in an informal manner,” he said. “If they are not careful, they run the risk of being held to any promises they make, even if that was not their intent.

“We could now see a wave of copycat lawsuits. Disgruntled bankers could bring claims against their employer that a casual promise by their manager about a bonus amounted to a binding contractual agreement.

“Banks will be discouraged from using group methods for communicating with staff, such as ‘town hall meetings’, which have become increasingly popular. they won’t want to risk inadvertently making expensive binding promises to large numbers of staff.”

A Maryland man this week admitted to being a participant in an Internet Nigerian dating scam that bilked almost $30,000 from an older Hatfield Township man and was looking to take another $46,000 from the man.

Maxwell Gbogboade, a 45-year-old Nigerian native who has been in jail since his arrest last May 19, this week was handed a time served to 23-month prison sentence following his guilty plea to a charge of attempted theft.

While Montgomery County Judge Thomas C. Branca ordered his immediate parole, the judge also gave Gbogboade a three-year probation sentence that will begin after he completes his parole time. this means that Gbogboade will remain under court supervision for approximately the next four years.

The situation for the 64-year-old victim would have been worse if alert bank officials and authorities had not intervened.

The victim last year met a “Mary Douglas” through an online dating service. their online relationship progressed through a series of emails and online chats.

At some point during the electronic relationship, “Mary Douglas” told the victim that she was traveling to Africa to star in a movie and needed some financial help with her traveling costs and related expenses.

Led to believe that “Mary Douglas” would be coming to Hatfield Township to be with him after her movie was completed, the victim wired and sent money transfers totaling over $24,000 to “Mary Douglas” and her “manager,” according to authorities. the victim also paid $5,000 to fly a “money courier” from Nigeria to London to new York to Philadelphia to pick up an additional $46,000 that “Mary Douglas” needed.

PNC Bank officials became suspicious on May 19, 2011, when the victim came to a branch office to withdraw $46,000 in cash, explaining he needed to give the money to a woman he met through an online dating service. these bank officials contacted police.

Reviewing the victim’s electronic correspondence with “Mary Douglas,” township police and county detectives discovered that the photos that she sent to the victim were photos of several different women taken off other websites, including pornographic sites. They also learned in their investigation that the Internet addresses that “Mary Douglas” was using originated in Nigeria.

The victim received a call from Gbogboade, who identified himself as a money courier by the name of “Soloh Batuya,” at about 5 p.m. on May 19, telling the victim he had just flown into Philadelphia and to meet him at the airport hotel with the $46,000 in cash. He gave the victim a cellphone number to call when he arrived.

Working with Philadelphia police and airport security, authorities set up surveillance at the hotel and airport. Authorities took Gbogboade, who matched the description he had given the victim, into custody when he answered his cellphone after police dialed the number that he had given to the victim.

Gbogboade told authorities he had traveled from his home in Maryland to pick up money to purchase a car and send it to Africa, according to the criminal complaint.

Authorities believe that others, likely living in Nigeria, were part of the scam. however, no additional arrests have been made in the case.

Why do some men expect monogamy from women, but fail to reciprocate? why do some women allow men to have a relationship with them, but have relations, or even another relationship, with other women…while they are dating them? Are the expectations of men that low, or have women not set expectations and standards for themselves?

There are a number of categories in dating people use to define their relationship status; however the two primary categories in dating; ‘dating’ and ‘a dating relationship’ are the categories people often confuse which brings about the dating double standard.  ‘Dating’ is often thought of as a form of courtship involving people with the purpose of assessing one’s character on a  general level for the possibility of engaging in a meaningful, long term relationship, friendship or distant association.

A ‘dating relationship’ is thought of as a form of courtship involving two people exclusively for the purpose of assessing one’s character for companionship, with the possibility of marriage. Men are often accused of indulging in the dating double standard because they date more than one woman at a time, but expect the women they have the most interest in to remain monogamous with them. A few reasons some men expect monogamy from women, but don’t reciprocate are: some men are selfish, women allow it, some men aren’t being held accountable, a man doesn’t want to share the good woman, and some men are ego-centered. and sadly enough, some women indulge in this double standard.

Why do some women indulge in the dating double standard? the answers are simple; fear of being lonely, foolish flattery (he wants me all to himself), fear of losing a ‘good catch’, and the desire to have a title, even if it has no meaning (wifey, main squeeze, ‘the one’, etc.). both men and women indulge in the dating double standard because they confuse dating and a dating relationship, and this is because they are so eager to have companionship, they don’t set standards for themselves in the categories of dating, nor do they define the terms of both dating and a dating relationship. when two people decide they want to get to know each other better, they designate time, and plan to go on a date. If they decide they want to keep spending time with each other, they continue to communicate as they see fit, and here’s where the confusion begins.

When most people have spent time with someone they are attracted to and enjoy being around, their emotions get involved, and they have the tendency to make a dating situation more than what it is without consulting the other person. when two people are dating, it does not mean they are bound to the one person they spend the most time with unless they have discussed, and mutually agreed to move beyond the dating category/stage and enter into a dating relationship. Most people skip the ‘deciding discussion’ phase because they get caught up with the dating activities (going out, sex, affectionate text messages, etc.) and they presume they should be involved in a monogamous dating relationship because they are doing things that couples do. Then when they find out the other person is dating other people while dating them, it brings about unnecessary drama.

Pop princess Mollie King yesterday dismissed rumours she is dating Prince Harry, insisting he is “out of her league”.

The Saturdays star said: “I’m single, ready to mingle. No, I’m not going out with him – I’m serious. everyone wants to believe it because it’s royalty.

"everyone would like it to be true but it’s not. He’s very out of my league, come on.”

Mollie, 24, and Harry, 27, were linked after they danced together at a karaoke bar in April.

But the singer said: “I just went out with loads of friends and all of a sudden we’re an item.

“But we’re not. he must have so many girls after him, throwing themselves.”

Denial: Mollie says there’s nothing to the royal rumoursRex FeaturesWell-suited: Prince Harry in WashingtonAFP 

Bandmate Frankie Sandford, 23, who is dating footballer Wayne Bridge, added: “When we heard the rumours we were all worried about ourselves, thinking that if she became royal we’d have to change around her.”

But she added: “I think she’s the catch. I don’t think it would be all it’s cracked up to be.”

Even if Mollie did like Harry it seems she would be too shy to do anything about it.

During the interview on the Chris Moyles Show on Radio 1, she said: “I can’t flirt. I get embarrassed if I really fancy somebody.

"I can’t look them in the eye. if I don’t fancy somebody I’m fine.”

It was reported this week that Harry – who has been in Washington – has recently been seeing his ex Chelsy Davy, 26.

Sources said they still had a romantic connection but were not dating.

Love the Saturdays? Check out Una’s amazing post-pregnancy bod here. and then have a laugh at Frankie’s EXTREME tan here.