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My colleague KJ Dell’Antonia, editor of the New York Times parenting blog Motherlode, pointed out in a recent post that there are 940 Saturdays between the time your child is born and the time she turns 18. KJ’s calculation comes from Harley Rotbart, a parent, a pediatrician and author of a wise book called No Regrets Parenting.

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The days of early parenthood are long and chaotic and exhausting. Sometimes those days lead into nights that are puzzling or downright scary. I still remember the times when Anna or Adam’s cries broke through the scrim of night or light sleep. Ken and I felt helpless as we asked each other the same question over and over: What do you think is wrong with her?

“I don’t know,” the other would say. “What do you think is wrong with her?”

There’s an old chestnut that says the very definition of insanity is repeatedly asking the same question, but expecting a different answer. the truth is there was no answer. we never found out why our babies cried. we never understood why Adam’s colic descended like the darkest cloud and then lifted just as suddenly five months – yes, five months – later.

As the mother of an almost 18- year-old who has an exact date for when she starts her first year of college, I’ve put aside Dr. Rotbart’s calculations. I simply pretend that time is still on my side.

But then the finite amount of time I have with my children took center stage last week when I heard my rabbi, Michelle Robinson, sermonize about the Omer and parenting. the Omer literally means to count and that’s what’s done during the 49-day period between Passover and Shavuot. the Omer originally staked out the time during which wheat was harvested and counted in preparation for a sacrifice at the Temple. Save for the Western Wall, the Temple is long gone. but Talmudic Judaism still observes the Omer by ticking off the days between the holidays.

Counting the Omer was not the only thing on Rabbi Robinson’s mind when she delivered her sermon. Like KJ, she too had just read “No Regrets Parenting.” as the mother of three children, she was deeply impressed with Rotbart’s approach to mindful parenting and his wisdom that although the days are long with young children, the years are short.

Robinson’s sermon then pointed me to my friend Aliza Kline’s recent blog post about Omer. Aliza is the founding executive director of Mayyim Hayyim and has been instrumental in bringing the ancient ritual of immersing in the mikveh into the 21st century. She and her family have been on an “extraordinary” sabbatical in Israel this past year, which is coming to an end next month. but instead of counting down the days until she leaves Israel, Aliza is counting up the days just as the Israelites counted up to the day they received the Torah. Aliza astutely writes:

"It’s an interesting idea to count up. rather than thinking about all that we have to do before a deadline we can focus on all that we get to do once we’ve reached that momentous day. Counting also provides that helpful reminder to be mindful of each day, to be aware of time passing. To be ‘present’ regardless of whether the day or hour or minute brings joy or sorrow."

So between now and mid-July, when Anna turns 18, and then four weeks later when she sets foot for the first time on a college campus as a matriculated student, I need to count up. I hope that counting up will help me to distinguish that the milestones of Anna’s life are not the tombstones of my parenthood. I will try not to think of what I’m losing, but what I am gaining by sending my girl off to school.

First and foremost, Ken and I are giving our daughter one of life’s most vital resources – an education. as my mother used to say, no one can take your education away from you. my mother was all about independence for her daughters. She went back to school for a teaching degree when I was 5 and never looked back. a few years later, after she landed her first full-time job, she opened her own checking account and contributed significantly to her three children’s college tuitions.

Maybe this next phase of our family life will be as exciting for me as it will certainly be for Anna. After all, I won’t have to drive the 15-mile round trip to her school when she forgets her soccer cleats. I won’t have to look at the messiest room in town every day. but I know I’ll get weepy when I see the return of that sloppy wasteland because it means Anna’s in residence.

I envy KJ, Michelle and Aliza for the hundreds of Saturdays still ahead of them with their kids. as for me, I have 11 Saturdays until Anna turns 18 and 15 Saturdays until she leaves for college.

But who’s counting?

You know, my blog name was a no-brainer — motherhood has been a tougher gig than I ever anticipated. Every accomplishment, success, making it to through the day I’ve seen has been the product of sweat, tears (lots of tears), joy and love.

Motherhood is a tricky place for a type-A perfectionist. It’s a tougher place for someone who isn’t a natural…and fears making mistakes. (Try not passing THAT on to your children.)

There is no place for “I can’t”. You just do.

There was a time when I didn’t think my then-four month old son would ever sleep through the night. There were days I seriously thought my daughter would be the exception to the rule and go off to uni in diapers.

The parenting books confused me, “What to Expect” books terrified me…and in the end, I learned to trust my own judgement. the mommy gut. You know, that thing that makes you bulldog your way to see at doctor at A&E when you’re pretty sure the duty nurse at the local surgery was smoking some serious rope when she looked at your son…

The thing inside that makes you push for a evaluation because You know something was going on with your 9 month old daughter, more than being a finicky nurser. (Mama was right – she had torticollis, the worst the therapist had ever seen, and she sailed through physical therapy like a champ.)

And for every moment of panic, uncertainty, confusion, overwhelm – there have been a thousand – no, a million- moments of joy, pride, and happiness. yes, this motherhood gig is tough, made tougher by having bright, curious children who challenge me to be the best mom I can be.

And I’ve realized that is all I can ask of myself – to be present in their daily lives, involved and supportive, and do the best that I can do.

And put money aside for the years of therapy that will surely follow.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the fabulous, frustrated, wonderful moms I know.

© 2012 Momma On the Rocks. all Rights Reserved.

Just how far would you go to stalk Kenyon Martin?

If you're Savannah McMillan-Christmas , you wander onto the court of an NBA playoff game looking for him, even if he doesn't play for the two teams on the court.

That's what happened on Sunday night, apparently, as McMillan-Christmas just wandered out onto the court during Game 4 between the Lakers and Nuggets. according to Yahoo! Sports' Marc Spears, McMillan-Christmas has been accused of stalking Martin in the past.

Here's the problem. Martin doesn't play for Denver. the former Cincinnati Bearcat did play for the Nuggets from 2004 through 2011, but he now plays for the Los Angeles Clippers.

Spears also reports that McMillan-Christmas — who was arrested for trespassing — was asking the Nuggets bench where Martin was before meandering onto the court.

No one must feel better than Martin about the ordeal, though. because if you have a stalker, you have sleep a little bit better at night knowing said stalker doesn't even know what team you play on.

You do have to give McMillan-Christmas credit for one thing, though. she got herself wide open on the left wing.

Check out video of the trespassing below.

Photo of the Day

Does this look like the face of a man whose team just took a 3-1 series lead? Yes. Yes it does.

Quote of the Day

"I was trying to hit him. I'm not going to deny it."–Cole Hamels blatantly admits that he intentionally hit Bryce Harper on Sunday night

Tweet of the Day

Once the game went 17 innings and all of the relievers were used up. That's when.

@NESN when did an outfielder become a pitcher???!!

— Christopher Haddock (@chaddock38) may 6, 2012 Video of the Day

Chris Stewart will have plenty of time to perfect that move now that the Blues' season is over.

After hours more work at home she's off to bed, exhausted, but unable to relax for worrying about how the bills will get paid. after a few hours of fitful sleep, she's up at 6 am to do it all over again. This working woman, who spends her life …
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Thinkstockphotos.comJersey Journal parenting columnist Peter Herbst advises a new mom to turn a deaf ear to those who say crying babies shouldn’t be picked up. It’s essential, he says, to comfort infants.

Dear Pete: We have a 3-month-old baby daughter, our first child.

When she cries, my first impulse is to pick her up. This usually works and she stops crying unless she is hungry or fussy. But my mother and some of my friends think I will spoil her by picking her up every time she cries. I hate to leave her crying. — Frustrated Mom

Dear Frustrated: Crying infants are frustrating. Many studies show that the sound of a crying baby is one of the most irritating sounds people hear. However, babies cry for a reason and it is their most effective way to communicate with caregivers.

Reasons for crying typically include hunger, boredom, sickness, the need to sleep, the need for a diaper change or the need to be held.

I strongly encourage you to continue to follow your impulse and pick up your daughter.

Most baby experts agree that parents cannot spoil an infant (birth to 11 or 12 months) by picking them up. Holding and soothing infants when they are upset is emotionally and biologically important. Babies need touch just as much as they need to be fed.

No parent says, “I don’t feed my baby when she is hungry because I don’t want to spoil her.” yet many parents say, in effect, “I don’t pick up my baby when she needs to be held because I don’t want to spoil her.”

Many studies show that babies cry less and stop crying sooner when they are quickly picked up. Picking up babies also teaches them that the world is responsive and caring. This allows babies to begin to trust their environment.

Many cultures around the world routinely keep infants in constant physical touch with caregivers. there are many affordable baby products on the market that allow caregivers to hold or snuggle their infants while keeping their hands free to do other things. when in doubt, pick her up. — Pete

Editor’s note: Parenting With Pete by PETER HERBST runs every other Thursday in The Jersey Journal. Have a question? Email Peteherbst@comcast.net.

the experts in the article suggest that you talk to your children about what is happening, being honest but not alarming them.  Stress that although things may be hard, you are confident that you can handle tough times together as a family.  Encourage your children to talk about their concerns with you or another close adult.  Look for free and inexpensive activities you can do, and emphasize that lack of money doesn’t have to mean lack of fun.  keep up a regular routine, eat healthy, and get enough sleep and exercise.  Find ways to help yourself keep calm such as listening to music or walking.  Avoid isolating yourself by reaching out to family and friends. you may also take advantage of some of the free evidenced based programs and services Project ASSIST offers to parents during these stressful times. These programs offer parents more tools they can use to take care of their children. “Parenting Wisely” is a computer based program that parents can work on individually at their own pace with the support of staff. the “incredible Years” program is a group for parents of 3-6 year-old children.  our next group will be on Friday mornings from 9-11 AM starting, April 13.  please call Jade or Katie at 508-837-6957 if you are interested in either of these programs or in any of the free services we have to help unemployed residents of Fall River (including the Project ASSIST Job Club, case management and job mentoring).

Link to article from National Child Traumatic Stress Network: http://www.nctsnet.org/sites/default/files/assets/pdfs/coping_for_parents_final.pdf

It may seem continental or cosmopolitan, but one of the best things adults could do for themselves is quit eating dinner so early in the evening, according to a local chef.

“Americans eat dinner way too early,” said Coby Baumann, a chef in the Texas State Technical College of Culinary Arts.

Baumann, who teaches at the Sweetwater campus, said people should eat dinner about two or three hours before they go to bed, not at 6 p.m. when bedtime is still a good four or five hours away.

“It does two things,” said Baumann of the early eating time. “One, when you eat that early, you’re hungry by the time you go to bed, and a lot of people can’t control that urge for a late night snack. So, you eat something right before bedtime and your body isn’t able to burn those calories before you go to sleep.”

He’s already anticipating the argument from parents of young children, probably because he’s father of two small children.

“For children, it’s very appropriate for them to eat at six o’clock if they go to bed at 8 or 9,” he said. “My wife and I will sit with our children while they eat so that we don’t miss that time at the dinner table together. then, we’ll eat our dinner later.”

Or, he said, you could have a salad while your children eat and then a main course later.

“You need to eat a small snack between breakfast and lunch and then one between lunch and dinner, and a salad would be a good snack,” he said.

Baumann seemingly is on a mission to dispel myths about eating. For instance, he said you shouldn’t drink low-fat milk because whole milk is much better for you.

“The problem is we eat way too many dairy products,” he said. “If you drink the recommended amount of milk, you’ll be much better off.”

The same goes for carbohydrates. He warned against diets that tell you to lay off the carbs.

“There are two kinds of carbohydrates,” he said. “There are simple carbohydrates, like fruits and vegetables, that are really good for you. Complex carbohydrates, like bread and pasta, are harder for your body to break down unless you’re very active. You’ve heard that runners eat pasta before a race. That’s right, they should.”

Overcooking vegetables remove their nutritional value, he said.

“They should be prepared al dente, with a little bite to them,” he said. “The more you cook them, the more they lose their nutrients. if you overcook them, you’re just eating empty calories. if vegetables can be eaten raw, that’s even better.”

In addition to eating too much protein (Baumann said five ounces of protein a day is sufficient), we also tend to overcook our meat.

“All you’re trying to do is push out fat,” he said of preparing meat. “If you cook it too long, you also cook out the nutrients.”

Baumann said the problem with most of our eating habits is that we’re still eating meals as our families did four or five generations ago when people worked much harder.

“That has a lot to do with our culture,” he said. “Four generations ago, people were building this country and needed 3,000 to 6,000 calories a day. some of us are still eating that way. We eat too much starch, too much protein and too many dairy products.”

The best guide to go by, he said, was the old food pyramid we learned in school years ago.

“It’s still the best,” he said. “It doesn’t make sense that we learn that pyramid — and we’re the most obese country in the world.”

Parents often ask, “How can I help my children feel less stressed-out?” Art, music, writing and more can help children to be peaceful and relaxed, even in this face-paced world. with the children in my practice, we play stress free kids music for brain calming before we begin our skill building. Children like to listen before tests, before sleep and after a hectic day. Parents can sneak in on the calming action as well:). the CD’s really work.

Read on for a meaningful Guest Expert Post today via By Lori Lite, Founder of Stress Free Kids, these strategies and the STRESS FREE KIDS CURRICULUM will improve your every day life.

Around the country reports and statistics show that children that practice relaxation, meditation, or even quiet time are experiencing a decrease in stress, greater attendance, improved test scores, and a reduction in aggressive behavior. Stress gets in the way of learning and so does red tape. Teachers tell us that their students are stressed out and many suffer from test taking anxiety. Parents and teachers can counteract our high-pressure style of learning, teaching, and living by simply weaving practical relaxation moments into the classroom and home.

Step over the red tape into a world where simple relaxation awareness will transform you and your students. Children want to feel good! Children are incredibly receptive and enthusiastically apply stress management techniques when they are presented with them. I am leaving the statistics and data out of this so that you can direct your attention to creative solutions and mindful moments.

Tips To Implement Relaxation:

• Art is a perfect arena to encourage children to notice how they feel when they paint or draw with different colors. some colors feel relaxing, some promote joy, while others express anger. Let children feel how doodling relieves stress or coloring a mandala…no rules…no staying in the lines…just relaxing and expressing. Add music and let children sample how listening to various types of music while creating affects their art.
• Science can incorporate relaxation music to let children experience firsthand the soothing power of music. Music can lift our spirits and our change our physiology.  Ask children to notice how they feel. is their heart rate slowing down? Has their breathing changed? do they feel like they can think more clearly? Talking about the rainforest…play rainforest relaxation music…studying the ocean… play sounds of whales, dolphins, and ocean waves. Studying weather patterns…sounds of gentle wind and rain can be explored. Play with the science of sound.
• Test preparation should include breathing and positive statements to manage anxiety. use positive stress reducing statements like, “ We have plenty of time to answer the questions and we calmly trust our knowledge.” if a child knows an answer but can’t remember it, they can say to themselves, “I will remember the answer and will fill it in later.” Words are powerful and children can learn to apply positive self-talk to all areas of their life.
• Breathing should be integrated into numerous areas of the day, but for the sake of this article test preparation is a great excuse. each day should include breathing awareness. Lead a minute or 2 of focused breathing before taking a test or learning something new. Breathing nourishes the brain and calms anxiety. Children will be able to retain and retrieve more information while staying calm.
• Language Arts can explore how words can take a positive spin. have fun finding positive uplifting words that include “if” in it.  Play with positive adjectives and statements. “I feel happy. I feel fortunate. I feel courageous.” Teach children to pay attention to their language. do they say, “I can’t learn to do math? I am terrible at math?” use these opportunities to turn the statements around, “ I will learn this new math concept. I am improving in math. I can figure this out with a little help.”
• Character education can explore self-regulating hand mudras and arm exercises. A mudra can be as simple as pressing the thumb and index fingers together. Children are empowered when they find a hand position that can be used as a self-soothing tool.  Crossing arms can reduce pain.  just letting children know that they can find ways within them to manage anxiety reduces anxiety. this incredibly tool can help children when they are over-stimulated. Brain Gym Exercises provide many such examples and I find much inspiration from Power Mudras.
• Creative writing offers unlimited opportunities to write various stories with themes of relaxation, motivation, or amazing positive outcomes.  Journaling can include self-care awareness. Children can note one thing that made them feel calm or hopeful or grateful. Gratitude is a uplifting stress buster. Starting your day by writing down something you are grateful for can change the entire mood of the class.

Implement actual stress management lessons. I have created the Stress Free Kids Curriculum and downloadable lesson plans to make managing stress a real-time possibility for parents and teachers. each lesson evolves around a story designed to introduce children to an actual research-based stress management technique. Step by step instructions including examples of dialog, work sheets, and music are included to make your experience stress free. no prior teaching experience is needed to explore relaxation. just smile and be willing.

It is my great hope that you and your students can breathe relaxation into your days and create your own mindful moments.

Lori Lite, the founder of Stress Free Kids has released the Stress Free Kids Curriculum and lesson plans. the research-based techniques of breathing, visualizing, positive statements, and progressive muscle relaxation are each incorporated into a storytelling format children love. in her signature style she delivers fun, practical, and accessible stress management for all ages.  Her new relaxation music line incorporates sounds of nature and relaxing beats for children, adults, and teens. Lori posts daily tips and articles on Twitter, Facebook, and Stress Free Kids Blog.

Copyright 2012 Scripps Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. TULSA – I had BIG plans for maternity leave. The baby does nothing but sleep, eat and fill up diapers, right?
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kjrh.com

Copyright 2012 Scripps Media, inc. All rights reserved. this material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. TULSA – I had BIG plans for maternity leave. the baby does nothing but sleep, eat and fill up diapers, right?
See all stories on this topic »
kjrh.com